Hey Juno...UP YOURS!

I hate Juno. I take that back. I don’t hate Juno, but I hate the critical acclaim it’s received unanimously from the Nation’s critics. I hate that it’s received four Oscar Nominations. And I hate that it’s being called “This Year’s Little Miss Sunshine.” I hate how every comedy from here on out that’s kinda quirky and features a cast of delinquent characters will always be referred to as that year’s “Little Miss Sunshine.” Juno’s the first, and I hate that.

I hate that Juno’s showing up on Top Ten Movies of 2007 lists from the Nation’s critics down to the blogger next door. Number 1 movie of the year, Roger Ebert?! Really?!! (I know you don’t believe in numbering your lists, but secretly you know and I know that this was your favorite movie of the year). I hate that this movie’s being embraced by everyone from all walks of life. From Hipsters to Pro-Lifers Everybody’s falling for Juno! (Hmmm….that would make a good tag-line for the Theater Lobby One-Sheet).

I hate how Ellen Page who plays Juno is being called the next big thing. The Nation’s critics unanimously rave about her star-making performance. She overacts. Can’t they see that?! She overacts in her debut movie Hard Candy, and she overacts here in Juno. I hate that she oversells her lines like she’s performing Community Theater. The critics don’t see it, but I do. I feel like Roddy Piper in John Carpenter’s They Live, and instead of seeing aliens when I put on the special sunglasses, I only see really bad acting. I can’t be all alone on this one. Where’s Keith David when you need him?

I like Diablo Cody, even though I hate her flamboyantly pretentious name. It makes her sound like a Dime-Store novelist or a member of G.L.O.W. But really, can you hate a sexy Ex-Stripper turned overnight Screenwriting sensation with a multi-picture, multi-million dollar deal topped off by an Oscar Nomination? I do hate the character she’s written in Juno, though. Every teenager is a smartass, but Juno carpet-bombs every conversation with her insensitive quips and flippant comments. Who would want to be her friend? Even worse who would want to knock this girl up?! Is a screenplay of one line zingers worthy of a Best Original Screenplay Nomination? Seriously. But I have to admit, the line about the guy’s Hoo-Ha tasting like Blueberry Pie is a classic.

I like Jason Reitman and Jennifer Garner. Reitman previously directed Thank You for Smoking, one of the best movie satires in recent years and far more worthy of a Best Picture nod than Juno. I saw him at a Q&A after a Juno screening. He was genuinely charming and very quick-witted. When asked what his next project would be, he said, “Well, I’ve tackled Tobacco and Teen Pregnancy. I’ve got a really funny screenplay about AIDS lined up next.” Garner on the other hand, has had my heart from the moment she walked on the small screen in disguise as Agent Sydney Bristow. Her performance in Juno really is the movie’s heart and soul. Her’s should be the one recognized with a nomination at the very least. It didn’t happen, and I hate that.

I hate that Juno’s nearly reached the 80-million dollar mark domestically. I hate that that number will only continue to climb shortly before and after the Oscars. I hate that the media coverage of the film leading up to the Oscars will tout this as the “Little movie that could.” Kinda like ‘Little Miss Sunshine’. What I DO take comfort in is this movie will have a short shelf-life. This isn’t a Big Lebowski or Airplane or Something About Mary. By this time next year those same people tripping over themselves about the prego, smart-aleked Bitch named Juno will hardly remember her name. And I like that.


Andrew Watson said...

You seem to dislike the media hype more than the movie. What about the movie? Do you dislike anything other than her smartass quips? I haven't seen the film, but you haven't dissuaded my interest, as slight as it may be. Why does this movie -- or even the media hype -- inspire such rancor in you?

Atrain said...

Fair enough. My intention was to play around with the type of content we could add to the site --this being more of a tongue-in-cheek rant of the Newspaper Opinion variety than an objective review of the film itself. But I also was aiming to nudge things along as the site sat dormant for so long.

Andrew Watson said...

I like the title. I think we'll get some hits from this.

Dex said...

katha pollit had an interesting take on the movie a couple of columns back.