Vroom vroom! denver premieres for 04/03

Ha ha Vin Diesel, I get it! They're Pitch Black. Clever Vin... Clever.

Since I got to the pictures first this week, you won't be seeing any A.) Natalie Portman, B.) alterna-waifs or C.) creepy sexual innuendo. What you do get are the only two reasons you would ever want to see the movie Fast & Furious for: A 1970 Chevy Chevelle (top) and a 1970 Dodge Charger R/T (bottom). So go ahead and save your ten bucks or better yet, go out and rent some of the great car porn of yore that I've listed off bellow. (pike)

Adventure Land- The New York Times says this is not in fact a teen sex comedy, but a sweet coming-of-age story. I tend towards coming-of-age flicks with either vampires or John Cusack, so I wish you and yours the best of luck in finding out. (Dex)

Alien Trespass- Word is that director R.W. Goodwin, a longtime "X-Files" producer, skips the kind of subversive reading of Cold War America scifi which made his teevee contributions so genius for comedy homage instead. All the same, Alien Trespass looks like the sort of fanboy valentine that pushes every single button I have, so maybe I can root around and find a leftist critique in Jody Thompson's breathy delivery of dialogue or Eric McCormac's spitcurl. (Dex)

Crips and Bloods: Made in America- This doc is playing over at the Starz FilmCenter. Their synopsis reads:

"A cluster of neighborhoods lies in the heart of Southern California, streets and boulevards forming a grid between concrete ribbons of freeway. Surrounded by the California Dream, this region has a legacy. It is heavily guarded, yet no one is protected. Nearly a quarter of its young men will end up in jail or prison. Many others will end up dead. These neighborhoods in South Los Angeles are home to two of America's most infamous African-American gangs, the Crips and the Bloods. On these streets over the past 30 years, more than 15,000 people have been murdered in an ongoing cycle of gang violence that continues unabated. It was here, just a few miles from the gated communities and sprawling mansions of Beverly Hills and Bel Air, where this nation’s most bloody and costly outbreaks of civil unrest erupted — not once, but twice, 27 years and just three miles apart. In Crips and Bloods: Made In America, renowned documentarian Stacy Peralta (Dogtown and Z Boys, Riding Giants) examines the story of South Los Angeles and the gangs that inhabit it. Blending gripping archival footage and photos with in-depth interviews of current and former gang members, educators, historians, family members and experts, Peralta brings his trademark dynamic visual style and story-telling ability to this often-ignored chapter of America's history. Hard - hitting, yet ultimately hopeful, Crips and Bloods: Made In America not only documents the emergence of the Bloods and the Crips and their growth beyond the borders of South Central, but also offers insight as to how this ongoing tragedy might be resolved. Produced by NBA superstar Baron Davis and narrated by Academy Award winning actor, Forest Whitaker."

Everlasting Moments- Mother's Day might be a month away, but that doesn't mean you can't take her out this week to see a movie. As for what movie, I would recommend skipping the $1.50 showing of Last House on the Left and take her to see Everlasting Moments. It's about a Victorian hausfrau that begins learning to express herself through the hobby of photography. Isn't that nice? Now go call your mama, she misses you.

Fast and Furious- I'm 99.99% sure that this film is going to blow. It is obvious that the main reasons to see a movie centered around automobiles is to see the cars themselves going outrageously fast or crashing into things. It should also be obvious that directing action scenes (much less a white-knuckled, adrenalin pumping chase scene) seems completely impossible for anyone in the present-day Hollywood system (yes, including Tarantino). So add to that the fact that the acting will be at best mediocre, the character development will be nil and the plot a chore to enjoy, and you have an idea about how this movie will play out. That is sad because good car porn can be an enjoyable cinematic treat. Here is a list of ten greats from years past that you might want to see or see again when you get the hankering for some masterfully executed reckless driving:

1.) Vanishing Point (1971- Richard Sarafian)- It might end on a hippie-dippy note but this movie is manna from heaven for gear-heads.

2.) Dirty Mary Crazy Larry (1974- John Hough)- Helicopter vs. Dodge Charger in an orange grove- unbelievable.

3.) Bullitt (1968- Peter Yates)- Steve McQueen + '68 Mustang = Bad Ass. The scene in the middle with the black Dodge Charger is like a WWII dog fight. Amazing.

4.) Ronin (1998- John Frankenheimer)- The last of the greats. This film has two chase scenes that will not be topped for a long, long time.

5.) Gone in 60 Seconds (1974- H.B. Haliki)- The original, not the Nick Cage abortion (I mean come the fuck on- 80% of the 'Elenore' theft scene was faces in close-up! Why the fuck would I want to watch the actor's reaction shots in a car chase. That's just mind numbingly stupid!). The original's police chase with the '73 Mustang is amazing. Also of interest is the fact that most of the pedestrians/other vehicles in the scene didn't know a film was being made around them.

6.) The Driver (1978- Walter Hill)- Along with Hard Times, Walter Hill's only stab at greatness. All I have to say is, "Ryan O'Neal in a red Chevy truck vs. a Trans-Am." If you've seen it, you'll remember it- 10 minutes of bliss.

7.) Two Lane Blacktop (1971- Monte Hellman)- An existential street racing movie??? Yep, that's what it is. Oh, and the only worthwhile thing James Taylor ever did with his whole stinkin' life was drive that 55 Chevy.

8.) Grand Prix (1966- John Frankenheimer)- Frankeheimer knew how to translate the thrilling precision of human/mechanical interaction better than anyone. The Monaco race in particular is a great piece of drama expressed through sound design.

9.) The Big Steal (1949- Don Siegel)- This has one great chase scene in the middle with enough muscle and grit to go toe-to-toe with anything from the 70s. Robert Mitchum and Jane Greer star in this fun little crime drama.

10.) Thunder Road (1958- Aurthur Ripley) Robert Mitchum again, but this time as a moonshine runner with a hot-rodded 57 Ford and cops on his tail- What more do you need?

I know there are a ton of great car films out there so if you've got one I didn't mention, put it in a comment and we'll make running list.

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